Not too many years ago, Who Pays for Weddings Today , many young men and women about to marry could rely on customs and traditions that directed the bride’s parents to pay for the entire wedding and the grooms parents would pay for the rehearsal dinner. The extravagance of the wedding was entirely dependent on the wealth of the bride’s parents. Sometimes, aunts, uncles and grandparents stepped up and helped with certain contributions.
The grandparents might buy the champagne; a favorite aunt would spring for the flowers. If the groom’s parents were wealthier than the bride’s parents, the groom’s family might contribute to the cost of the wedding. When the engagement of the happy couple was announced, it was always assumed that the bride’s parents would be paying for all of the wedding. Who Pays For Wedding – Money Decisions is a much bigger question than it needs to be.
Those customs came with other limits. If the bride’s family did not have much money, weddings were small and held in living rooms. Bridal gowns were homemade. The food served at wedding receptions was prepared by friends and family members and kept in the deep freeze until the big day.
Also, in the days when we could count on those traditions, brides and grooms did not live together before marriage. Since Mom and Dad were paying for the wedding, it didn’t matter if it was the bride’s big day, Mom and Dad only had so much money and that was that.
Today, weddings are much more expensive. Brides and grooms are waiting longer to get married. Parents of brides and grooms are getting remarried or divorced themselves or divorced and so there are step parents involved. The financial matters of people who may have at one time or another promised to pay for a wedding have often changed since the original promise to pay. These types of situations change customs and traditions and Who Pays For Wedding – Money Decisions.
If you are a lucky bride or groom who is fortunate enough to have traditional parents who are able to pay for the wedding, it will come with some strings attached. Your mother had to do what her mother wanted for her wedding. Hopefully, your mother will be a little more flexible. Flexible or not, your mother has a lot to say about what is going to happen at your wedding if she and your father are going to pay for it. The reality is that she and your father are under no obligation to pay for your wedding. Common sense tells you that you must bend to your parent’s wishes in many parts of your big day if they are paying the bills.
There are other issues that will impact what the bride and grooms parents will pay for. The parents of the bride and groom may have remarried. Maybe they have young children themselves. Maybe they are still willing to pay, but what they can afford will not make you happy. Being disappointed in what your parents are not able to provide their adult children will not accomplish anything but hurt feelings and frustration. There are new traditions and new customs that have adapted to changing times.
People that love you want to help. If you love them, you will respect their limits. There are new rules for today’s weddings. The good news is that today’s weddings are better than ever and you will probably have control over one of the most important events in your life. Here is how to have the wedding you want, and still get the help you need:
1. Before you formally announce your wedding, have some firm plans made. The firm plans should include the wedding date and the town you will be married in. This announcement should make no mention of who will pay for what. Just enjoy the sharing of this happy announcement. This will begin to establish the fact that you are making your own wedding day decisions.
2. Immediately, those who are able to help will offer many types of assistance. Do not accept offers of assistance yet at the same time you announce your marriage. You will not be able to remember that Aunt Mary will provide a cake, or Cousin Kate is sure to want to video. Tell everyone you will have a plan and a budget and you will want their input but you cannot pin down small details yet.
3. Download a wedding plan and budget from one of the many wedding sites available. These plans and budgets are very complete and helpful.
4. Try to complete the wedding plan and budget according to timeline. You will notice that some of the items can be filled in because of offers of assistance.
5. Make multiple copies of plan and budget and distribute to those who have offered assistance and that you want to be involved in the process.
6. Remind yourself again that there is no person who can be forced in any way to pay for your wedding.
7. It is really important to get the location of the ceremony and reception tied up. Decide where you want the wedding to be held and find out how much. Since you have shown yourself to be such a responsible and sensitive adult, your parents will most likely volunteer to pay for the location. They will need to know how much for the deposit.
8. Music for the wedding reception is another expense that needs to be dealt with. This begins wih the decision as to whether to hire a band or a DJ. in either case, selecting the right one is crucial.
9. The other big expense that needs to be taken care of early on is the caterer. Once you know who it will be and how much, your parents will probably offer to pay for the caterer also.
10. If your parents do not immediately offer to pay for the caterer or the location, then you know they are not financially able, or they are unwilling for some other reason. By being in control early on, you can make those discoveries and figure out if you want to pay for these things yourself plan a more moderate wedding that you can be proud of.